Hitting Rock Bottom...

"I'm determined to not let this slice of pizza decide the rest of my life." I said that to my cousins on one of our trips to visit my grandparents in Florida. We had just gotten back to our hotel room, after having a few beers and grabbing a few pizzas for dinner. As the 3 of us scarfed down the pies, and there was one slice left...knowing that I wasn't hungry anymore, but feeling the need to eat it, I said the above...and at that point the seed of the begining of my weightloss journey was planted. It was a start to what would be an amazing transformation of myself, a transformation that would take place approximatley 3 years later, but it was the moment I realized that food was running my life. So now here I am, basically right back where I started, and I have let that slice of pizza decide my life again for the past 3 years. Starting with the day that I lost my job, and depression started to take hold, I started to eat to hide the depression from myself, then to celebrate even the most mundane events, or just beacause I was bored. For some reason food became the only way we knew how to have fun...be happy...occupy ourselves. But deep inside I hated myself. I would at least once a day look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how much I despised what I had become once again. But sometimes you need to completly hit rock bottom before you can reach the top once again. Events over the past few weeks have indeed caused me to hit bottom not just emotionally but physically as well. I am tired of being tired, sick of my joints hurting, sick of not being able to ride my bike without huffing and puffing, sick of having a closet full of clothes I love but can't fit into, tired of seeing myself in the mirror and hating what I see, and most of all we are tired of feeling like the only way we can have fun or be happy is if we are spending money and going out to eat. A long talk was had on Friday night...and hopefully good things for the future will result from it. A future where we are happy...happy like we used to be...happy without always turning to food to be that way. This will be much harder then it has been in the past...I know that now. But there is only one direction to go from here...and that is up.